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I believe in tragedy.
our rocky spines 
11th-Apr-2008 01:24 pm
I am trying so terribly hard to concentrate and get things done.

I met a boy at a japanese party last week.
he was slightly drunk, he poured me a gin tonic, I gave him a cigarette.
I told him he looked like ryan adams, but better.
the old me would have kissed him.
the new me takes things as they come; no more awkward desperation, no more drowned sorrows in alcohol, no more fights with the ghosts and the girl in the mirror.
I have a plane ticket to go see C in just two weeks.
last night he sent me a text message about the stars.
the band is playing in sweden 4 days before that, I just found out. if he's not back by the time I arrive, I guess I will get angry, and then sad, and then frustrated, and then I'll say, "oh well." and get really drunk in the jacuzzi of the cabin where the people I'm going with are staying..

I'm supposed to be working on:

submissions to festivals this summer/magazine artist features
general, life plans
all the documentations from the last two projects
my individual project - I have a tutorial next week
writing a letter to panda

instead I am:

listening to a lot of music
craving a cigarette
looking out of the window
taking pictures of my hair
thinking of johannes and wondering where he is now

panda is feeling lonely - i think - i can feel it over the airwaves. isn't it strange? he called me last week - i think it was last week? the days are such a blur. he just said it felt nice to hear my voice, my sentences got trapped in my throat, so instead of choking on them, I asked how he was. romania is still the same. norway is still the same. it feels like I am stuck to a spiderweb and I can't untangle myself.
25th-Apr-2008 04:49 am (UTC)
what's a Japanese party? i feel like i would have a terrible time.
i'm trying to find the words so i can go to sleep.
they're laying heavy on my heart
and i start choking when i lay down.
i look at your website a lot.
i don't know why.
it makes me feel better.
i like the pictures.
i like to see my friends doing something.
cause, i so totally am not.
it's nights like this that makes me with that i had
just sucked it up and gone to U of M like a normal girl.
but i let the ghosts make all the decisions.
that's how i got stuck in new york in the first place.
this is so not funny anymore.
1st-May-2008 12:22 pm (UTC)
a japanese party is a party with a lot of jap-kids.

i take pictures of the world because I'm scared of forgetting. come to europe, the world will seem bigger and maybe less wild. U of M was probably not the right choice for you back then, maybe it still isn't now - it's okay if it isn't.

have you heard the LCD Soundsystem song "New York I love you but you're bringing me down"? yeah. exactly that.
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