after two weeks in greece with panda, I'm here again.
the city that pulls me into its waters at night. with the grey clouds overhead.
in greece I broke into an abandoned hotel.
I did my project there.
it will be a book.
before or after lunchtime the light was good for photos, and besides the little seaside town we were in would be asleep for a few hours around then. I could climb in through the ground floor windows and run across the hall up two flights of stairs, almost undisturbed, with all my equipment jumping up and down on my back.
funny to meet two boys from my university there, in that sleepy place.
one of them scared me, a little, because one night I stayed out on his porch with him, drinking, while panda was asleep, and oh - I saw something slightly out of focus in him, somewhere; kind of what or how I used to be before I moved away. this kind of black hole.
last week, before TC flew back to LA, we hung out. he showed up with Mike, this kid I had not seen in ages. I was constantly singing panda's praises, because he's my hero, I let everything pour out of me again, and then suddenly I recoiled; for half an hour I sat in a dark corner, did not speak a word, just drew. Mike was so labyrinthine with his words spreading over me like tentacles, I almost stopped breathing, I almost would have run away, in the end I left him at the bus stop, dropped by another pub, dragged myself here and there but really all I wanted was the silence, or the quiet of being alone, so my walk home was a relief, bitten lips and smelling of smoke, 5am like blood brother had predicted; I said goodbye to the sky before closing my eyes..
- Music:VNV Nation: Beloved