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I believe in tragedy.
ugly but honest. 
16th-Jul-2008 12:36 am
this city is starting to feel more and more like the one I was in before. I have 6 weeks left before I leave, even though I haven't booked my flight yet. I know it will feel weird to not see Ana on a regular basis, to wake up to the river flow and not the distant smell of the sea. It will be awkward not to hear the seagulls as I stagger home with a light heart, slightly drunk or painfully tired.
I (almost) ended my friday night (dreadfully against my will) dancing at cafe opera. DANCING. yes, that's right - and it sounds wrong. I stupidly took a boy home, too. he was wearing a red t-shirt and was a marine with grey-green eyes and a very insensitive behaviour. not that I was being sensitive at all - but once he fell asleep in my bed, 8:30 am, girl sat on a chair in the kitchen, chin on knees, and finally spilled the million tears that had been threatening to come out for, oh - at least two weeks. girl messaged panda, words dripping with self-criticism and self-pity but without waiting for an answer, she fell asleep into green-eyed-boy's arms to wake up three hours after, with poetry from panda on her cellphone screen and, having kicked boy out of bed and out of the house, she had coffee with dodo.
dodo, the awkward and spaced-out almost androgynous boy she'd met the night before, on the street, just because, just because.
they stared at each other over tall and empty iced coffee glasses. he made the mist in her head disappear slightly, or spread over to the edges. they talked about everything, then went for a vegan barbecue, and at 10pm, with the sun still in the sky and the taste of raspberries in her mouth, she waved him goodbye as he plucked guitar strings on a friend's sofa.
16th-Jul-2008 12:17 am (UTC)
If I were to be honest I would have to say that I'm not okay. I think I'm in a loveless relationship. I can't tell if I'm not in love with him or if he's not in love with me. He says I'm emotionally unavailable and he's right. I am never going to be open again. I guess it happens. I broke my computer and that might be it for awhile. I sent it to Minnesota so my dad could fix it. But who knows.

I miss you though.
Sometimes I feel like I need to give it all up and start over.

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