I am trying so terribly hard to concentrate and get things done.
I met a boy at a japanese party last week.
he was slightly drunk, he poured me a gin tonic, I gave him a cigarette.
I told him he looked like ryan adams, but better.
the old me would have kissed him.
the new me takes things as they come; no more awkward desperation, no more drowned sorrows in alcohol, no more fights with the ghosts and the girl in the mirror.
I have a plane ticket to go see C in just two weeks.
last night he sent me a text message about the stars.
the band is playing in sweden 4 days before that, I just found out. if he's not back by the time I arrive, I guess I will get angry, and then sad, and then frustrated, and then I'll say, "oh well." and get really drunk in the jacuzzi of the cabin where the people I'm going with are staying..
I'm supposed to be working on:
submissions to festivals this summer/magazine artist features
general, life plans
all the documentations from the last two projects
my individual project - I have a tutorial next week
writing a letter to panda
instead I am:
listening to a lot of music
craving a cigarette
looking out of the window
taking pictures of my hair
thinking of johannes and wondering where he is now
panda is feeling lonely - i think - i can feel it over the airwaves. isn't it strange? he called me last week - i think it was last week? the days are such a blur. he just said it felt nice to hear my voice, my sentences got trapped in my throat, so instead of choking on them, I asked how he was. romania is still the same. norway is still the same. it feels like I am stuck to a spiderweb and I can't untangle myself.
- Music:great lake swimmers