how easy would it be, drunk, to get to the phone and dial a number and tell him it's over? this is not even about me and christian anymore; how I had those perfect fantasies of us hanging out after he came back from tour and realising we're soulmates. going for photography-walks at 4am, watching the sun rise close to Prekestolen, waiting for the rain, going to the shows, going to the ocean. it's about how I feel so wrong for this. like R is making me a dress which I already know won't fit but I'm doing nothing to prevent him from wasting time and money and raw material on it. and he's far and I don't feel the distance.